Are you serious right now? I’m a fully certified neurosurgeon. I can break into people’s heads and rewire their brains and tamper with their memory, no problem. But this? This juice box? This sugary drink marketed for eight year olds? No. Sticking a straw into this juice container is apparently just too much for me to handle without fucking it up. I’m done. I quit. Goodbye.
so after the mtv ema’s, i snuck into a 21+ afterparty hosted by snoop dogg in an amsterdam nightclub, right? well. i made it to the front of the crowd. i was this close to snoop dogg. he passed me a joint. it was amazing.
then i decided it wasn’t enough. you see, snoop was on this platform seperated from the rest of the club. on this platform was a lot of leather couches and hot people with drinks. so i went to the side of the club and pretended my friend was on the platform. the giant 7 feet tall guard miraculously let me through and i was in the vip section with snoop dogg
i was literally the only one there who wasn’t on the guest list. i had some boy pour me drinks (which turned out to be PURE VODKA) and it took me an hour of socializing with strippers and models to figure out that everyone’s alcohol WAS ON TABS and that since i wasnt on the vip list I DIDN’T HAVE A TAB
i left and then i realized i stole snoop dogg’s alcohol
this has been my story
school is actually just a game to test how much pressure and stress you can handle before breaking down
- normal person: "well, that was a sad ending" turns tv off
- me: sobs, slams head against wall, rewatches scene 25 times, talks about how sad it was for the next 6 months